For the past few days, I have struggled to come up with the words: how would I explain the Holy Spirit to young students who would attend the Sunday, May 24th Children's Chapel at my church? So easy to picture God, and Jesus, but that concept of being filled with the Spirit has always been difficult for me to put into words. I began to ponder, who are those people in my life who I consider to be filled with the Spirit? What qualities do they embody? On the top of my list is my mom.
Her name was Luella Dugas Chambers. She was truly my best friend in adulthood, and my hero in life. She lived 19 very full and appreciated years after her initial diagnosis of breast cancer, which re-emerged in her bones and finally in her lungs. What qualities did she exemplify in her final days?
After the doctors told her there was nothing more they could do for her, but to keep her comfortable, she smiled and responded, "I just want to thank you for all you've done for me. It's been so wonderful to have this extra time with my family." The only dry eyes in the room were hers. I couldn't wrap my brain around that.
There was an understanding, a peace, a tranquility, a joy, an acceptance of the moment, that she possessed and that was PREVALENT in her last days. I fought the prognosis, but she was comforted by the littlest things, and did her best to comfort US. Her smile was bright, her faith was strong. She had final words of wisdom for me. And she gave me the greatest gift of all, unbeknownst to her.
She was a devout Catholic and at that time, I too was a practicing Catholic. A couple of days before she died, the Eucharistic minister came by to offer her communion, but she could not swallow anymore, and had to refuse. The minister asked her to kiss the host, and then placed the host on my tongue as I 'received' for my mom. In all my then 38 years, I had NEVER experienced ANYTHING like receiving the Eucharist for this incredible woman.
Something changed inside me! I felt like I was shaking all over. I felt like if I didn't sit down, that I would faint. At that moment, I learned something incredible about what the Eucharist meant to my mom...and how the Holy Spirit moved inside of her each time she received...and that one time, it moved through me as well. I'll never forget that moment, and though I've prayed to have that experience on my own, it has evaded me.
What does it mean to be filled with the Holy Spirit? I knew how to explain it all the time. Ironically enough, my mom died 19 years ago today, on May 25, 1996, almost 19 years to the day after I struggled to find the words to teach Children's Chapel yesterday. All I had to do, in the end, was reflect on my mom, because she truly reflected the Holy Spirit every single day.
One more time, Mom, thank you for your inspiration. I love that I can still turn to you. Keep the lessons coming...
Until next blog post,
peace and love to you
dorothy
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Monday, May 25, 2015
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Judy Garland, Lenny Bruce, Marilyn Monroe, Jim Morrison, Tim Hardin, Heath Ledger, Janis Joplin, John Belushi, Robin Williams...
Does the use of drugs and alcohol fuel depression, or does depression fuel drug and alcohol abuse? In my view, trying to answer this is like trying to answer the age-old question: Which came first, the chicken or the egg? I'm sure we could debate this until the end of time and not come up with an affirmative answer, or solution, to these tragic epidemics that have led to the senseless demise of so many people. I've been reliving this very reality for the past week, since I learned of the suicide of Robin Williams.
I am no stranger to clinical depression. I hid it pretty well until I was 38, but depression, anxiety, and obsessive compulsive disorder finally took me down, and I was forced to get some help. Can I understand self-medicating, in lieu of getting help from a trained professional? YES! I remember how ashamed and terrified I was, sitting in a psychiatrist's waiting room, answering questions on a form that would help them mold my treatment plan... and trying to rationalize in my mind just how to skip out of there before my name was called to see the doctor. I am still grateful that I wasn't quick enough to escape!
I totally understand why some people would rather not publicly acknowledge their depression, and instead, self-medicate with drugs and alcohol. No forms to fill out in waiting rooms. No embarrasment as people look at you over their magazines in said waiting rooms. No acknowledgement of the pain and anxiety you feel, often 24/7, 12 months a year. No getting to the root of the problem. If that same person has an addictive personality, what seems like an easy fix (street drugs and alcohol) leads to a greater nightmare than depression alone.
We all know someone, I'm sure, who has waged this war. I've watched people I love opt for self-medication over professional help for depression, and I've seen each of them sputter and fall. Luckily, they are still inhaling and exhaling, and a part of my life.
I've also known people whose dependence on drugs and alcohol has disrupted their lives to the point where depression joins forces with their abusive behaviors. I have not personally experienced this reality, but I have witnessed it. And the pain extends to everyone who loves them. It's a crisis that should be addressed and acknowledged...and it needs to stop! Right now!
After the death of Philip Seymour Hoffman, I wrote the song "One Too Many Times". My producer and videographer, Daniel Lee, worked with me to create a video to accompany my song, acknowledging so many people that we as Americans have loved and lost. (Admittedly, there are so many, many more people who are not "celebrities" who have fallen victim to this epidemic, some that I knew personally. I dedicate my video to ALL those who have succumbed, that with acknowledgment, there might one day be an end to these senseless deaths.)
Last week, Daniel honored me by covering my song, and including Robin Williams in the video. It continues to tug at my heart whenever I think of the pain that Robin must have felt. Was it purely depression that led him to take his life? Was it his battle with addiction that finally caused such futility that suicide was his only alternative? Or might it have been a combination of the two? I don't think the answer is important, but I do think that awareness is. Please watch this and share with others who might have been touched by depression, addiction, or both.
RIP Robin...You will always be someone I look to when the world seems too cruel to bear and only laughter will lighten my load.
Until next blog, peace and love to you...dorothy
I am no stranger to clinical depression. I hid it pretty well until I was 38, but depression, anxiety, and obsessive compulsive disorder finally took me down, and I was forced to get some help. Can I understand self-medicating, in lieu of getting help from a trained professional? YES! I remember how ashamed and terrified I was, sitting in a psychiatrist's waiting room, answering questions on a form that would help them mold my treatment plan... and trying to rationalize in my mind just how to skip out of there before my name was called to see the doctor. I am still grateful that I wasn't quick enough to escape!
I totally understand why some people would rather not publicly acknowledge their depression, and instead, self-medicate with drugs and alcohol. No forms to fill out in waiting rooms. No embarrasment as people look at you over their magazines in said waiting rooms. No acknowledgement of the pain and anxiety you feel, often 24/7, 12 months a year. No getting to the root of the problem. If that same person has an addictive personality, what seems like an easy fix (street drugs and alcohol) leads to a greater nightmare than depression alone.
We all know someone, I'm sure, who has waged this war. I've watched people I love opt for self-medication over professional help for depression, and I've seen each of them sputter and fall. Luckily, they are still inhaling and exhaling, and a part of my life.
I've also known people whose dependence on drugs and alcohol has disrupted their lives to the point where depression joins forces with their abusive behaviors. I have not personally experienced this reality, but I have witnessed it. And the pain extends to everyone who loves them. It's a crisis that should be addressed and acknowledged...and it needs to stop! Right now!
After the death of Philip Seymour Hoffman, I wrote the song "One Too Many Times". My producer and videographer, Daniel Lee, worked with me to create a video to accompany my song, acknowledging so many people that we as Americans have loved and lost. (Admittedly, there are so many, many more people who are not "celebrities" who have fallen victim to this epidemic, some that I knew personally. I dedicate my video to ALL those who have succumbed, that with acknowledgment, there might one day be an end to these senseless deaths.)
Last week, Daniel honored me by covering my song, and including Robin Williams in the video. It continues to tug at my heart whenever I think of the pain that Robin must have felt. Was it purely depression that led him to take his life? Was it his battle with addiction that finally caused such futility that suicide was his only alternative? Or might it have been a combination of the two? I don't think the answer is important, but I do think that awareness is. Please watch this and share with others who might have been touched by depression, addiction, or both.
RIP Robin...You will always be someone I look to when the world seems too cruel to bear and only laughter will lighten my load.
Until next blog, peace and love to you...dorothy
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