Does the use of drugs and alcohol fuel depression, or does depression fuel drug and alcohol abuse? In my view, trying to answer this is like trying to answer the age-old question: Which came first, the chicken or the egg? I'm sure we could debate this until the end of time and not come up with an affirmative answer, or solution, to these tragic epidemics that have led to the senseless demise of so many people. I've been reliving this very reality for the past week, since I learned of the suicide of Robin Williams.
I am no stranger to clinical depression. I hid it pretty well until I was 38, but depression, anxiety, and obsessive compulsive disorder finally took me down, and I was forced to get some help. Can I understand self-medicating, in lieu of getting help from a trained professional? YES! I remember how ashamed and terrified I was, sitting in a psychiatrist's waiting room, answering questions on a form that would help them mold my treatment plan... and trying to rationalize in my mind just how to skip out of there before my name was called to see the doctor. I am still grateful that I wasn't quick enough to escape!
I totally understand why some people would rather not publicly acknowledge their depression, and instead, self-medicate with drugs and alcohol. No forms to fill out in waiting rooms. No embarrasment as people look at you over their magazines in said waiting rooms. No acknowledgement of the pain and anxiety you feel, often 24/7, 12 months a year. No getting to the root of the problem. If that same person has an addictive personality, what seems like an easy fix (street drugs and alcohol) leads to a greater nightmare than depression alone.
We all know someone, I'm sure, who has waged this war. I've watched people I love opt for self-medication over professional help for depression, and I've seen each of them sputter and fall. Luckily, they are still inhaling and exhaling, and a part of my life.
I've also known people whose dependence on drugs and alcohol has disrupted their lives to the point where depression joins forces with their abusive behaviors. I have not personally experienced this reality, but I have witnessed it. And the pain extends to everyone who loves them. It's a crisis that should be addressed and acknowledged...and it needs to stop! Right now!
After the death of Philip Seymour Hoffman, I wrote the song "One Too Many Times". My producer and videographer, Daniel Lee, worked with me to create a video to accompany my song, acknowledging so many people that we as Americans have loved and lost. (Admittedly, there are so many, many more people who are not "celebrities" who have fallen victim to this epidemic, some that I knew personally. I dedicate my video to ALL those who have succumbed, that with acknowledgment, there might one day be an end to these senseless deaths.)
Last week, Daniel honored me by covering my song, and including Robin Williams in the video. It continues to tug at my heart whenever I think of the pain that Robin must have felt. Was it purely depression that led him to take his life? Was it his battle with addiction that finally caused such futility that suicide was his only alternative? Or might it have been a combination of the two? I don't think the answer is important, but I do think that awareness is. Please watch this and share with others who might have been touched by depression, addiction, or both.
RIP Robin...You will always be someone I look to when the world seems too cruel to bear and only laughter will lighten my load.
Until next blog, peace and love to you...dorothy
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Monday, July 28, 2014
The Tree of Soles in Ossun, LA...a place to lay your burdens down
I have these moments as a mother to grown sons that I'll always remember...first day of preschool, kindergarten graduation, first Scout summer camp, first time standing on the pitcher's mound, getting braces off, putting letter jackets on, graduating, getting that first job. You get my drift. A year ago, I think I topped them all, down a gravel road, at the base of a tree, in sleepy little Ossun, LA, in the heart of Louisiana's Cajun country.
I'm no stranger to depression, and the apple did not fall far from the tree. While both sons battle depression, my youngest son has fallen victim to depression, anxiety, and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) as an internal manifestation of Tourette's Syndrome. Yes, he takes medicines that do help, and there are alternative therapies, but at some point, you have to accept your reality and strive for the most effective way to live inside this body that you inhabit. Reading is one of his escape routes, and a book in the clearance section of a favorite store led us both on a life-altering excursion!
Let me back-pedal a bit...I've raised my kids in the Christian tradition. I taught them prayers that I was taught as a child, including one en Francais. We attended church regularly, including religion classes that were age-appropriate. That said, depression, anxiety and OCD tend to muddy the waters. How do you give your burdens to a loving God when your mind is constantly whirling in a million directions, second-guessing, questioning? My life-long struggle, passed on to both of my sons...
Now, back to the book my son was reading...a travel book featuring off-the-beaten-path destinations in Louisiana. One day trip caught his eye and spoke loudly to him. He asked me to accompany him to the Tree of Soles in Ossun, LA (right outside of Lafayette), to lay his burdens down. In a poignant gesture of faith, you bring shoes you've worn during a particularly burdensome point in your life and lay them at the base of the tree, or hang them from the tree. At that point, you're asked to pray for peace.
I will always remember how I felt, driving down this gravel road, when I finally spotted the 3 trees from the book. I've had many spiritual experiences in my 56 years, but this was special. We stopped the car, and my son picked up his black shoes he'd been wearing during a difficult year in his life, opened his door and slowly and methodically walked toward the middle tree, reading the sign welcoming him to the Tree of Soles. I had brought shoes as well and joined him. A million thoughts came to mind as I spotted baby shoes, cowboy boots, lady's pumps, tennis shoes...each telling a painful tale of struggle and an accompanying need for peace.
We spoke no words. I tearfully pondered the moments in life that had brought us both there. Time stood still. Slowly, my son found the perfect spot near the base of the middle tree for his shoes. I followed suit. Eventually we walked back to the car. Still no words. Just a quiet knowledge that we had, in truth, physically laid our burdens down. What a powerful experience to share with my grown son as we both tried to faithfully lighten our loads.
I'm no stranger to depression, and the apple did not fall far from the tree. While both sons battle depression, my youngest son has fallen victim to depression, anxiety, and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) as an internal manifestation of Tourette's Syndrome. Yes, he takes medicines that do help, and there are alternative therapies, but at some point, you have to accept your reality and strive for the most effective way to live inside this body that you inhabit. Reading is one of his escape routes, and a book in the clearance section of a favorite store led us both on a life-altering excursion!
Let me back-pedal a bit...I've raised my kids in the Christian tradition. I taught them prayers that I was taught as a child, including one en Francais. We attended church regularly, including religion classes that were age-appropriate. That said, depression, anxiety and OCD tend to muddy the waters. How do you give your burdens to a loving God when your mind is constantly whirling in a million directions, second-guessing, questioning? My life-long struggle, passed on to both of my sons...
Now, back to the book my son was reading...a travel book featuring off-the-beaten-path destinations in Louisiana. One day trip caught his eye and spoke loudly to him. He asked me to accompany him to the Tree of Soles in Ossun, LA (right outside of Lafayette), to lay his burdens down. In a poignant gesture of faith, you bring shoes you've worn during a particularly burdensome point in your life and lay them at the base of the tree, or hang them from the tree. At that point, you're asked to pray for peace.
I will always remember how I felt, driving down this gravel road, when I finally spotted the 3 trees from the book. I've had many spiritual experiences in my 56 years, but this was special. We stopped the car, and my son picked up his black shoes he'd been wearing during a difficult year in his life, opened his door and slowly and methodically walked toward the middle tree, reading the sign welcoming him to the Tree of Soles. I had brought shoes as well and joined him. A million thoughts came to mind as I spotted baby shoes, cowboy boots, lady's pumps, tennis shoes...each telling a painful tale of struggle and an accompanying need for peace.
We spoke no words. I tearfully pondered the moments in life that had brought us both there. Time stood still. Slowly, my son found the perfect spot near the base of the middle tree for his shoes. I followed suit. Eventually we walked back to the car. Still no words. Just a quiet knowledge that we had, in truth, physically laid our burdens down. What a powerful experience to share with my grown son as we both tried to faithfully lighten our loads.
I knew at that point that I needed to spread the word about the Tree of Soles. A couple of months later, I asked my producer and videographer Daniel Lee to go with me to the tree and shoot some video. (I had another burden to lay down as well.) Turns out that many songs have flown through me, all because of the sleepy Cajun town and those 3 trees at the end of a gravel road. I'd be so honored for you to watch. I hope it moves you like it still moves me, whenever I watch it. Here's the link:
My prayer for you would be that each of you find your "tree of soles"...and that your burdens would be lightened.
As always, until next blog entry, peace and love to you.
dorothy
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